Captain Shinji
by Forever Rahhel
Summary: This will follow the manga and will show what would have happened if Shinji and Asuka haven't lived with Misato. Crossover later.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Eva…yet, but I have a dream…I don't own Martin Luther  
King either. **

This will follow the manga and will show what would have happened if Shinji and Asuka haven't lived with Misato.

_**Captain Shinji**_

My name is Shinji Ikari and this is my story.

It all began in the year 2015. Back then I was an usually confused 14 year old Japanese boy.

Until my father sent me a letter.

It surprised me that he would sent me a letter after all we had no contact for 10 years now. He abandoned me, because of his work. I don't know what he was working for. Come to think of it; I never bothered to investigate what he was doing.

Like every human, I'm curious. I must have inherited that trait from my mother. She was one of the three most famous scientists of the new age. With her brilliant ideas and her audacity she gained that title at a young age. Sadly this audacity was the reason why she died as far as I know. Something about a science accident…but I never could find out what it was exactly, that happened.

But I'm drifting up as so often.

**The letter read following:**

_Dear Shinji,_

_I want you to meet one of my subordinates Misato Katsuragi (look at the picture) at the end of the week._

_She will be waiting for you at the Tokyo3 main station at 11 o' clock and escort you to me._

_A ticket is add to this later, so all expensive are taken care of._

_Please come…I need you._

_Sincerely, _

_Commander Gendo Ikari_

At the moment I am on the train to Tokyo 3. The last part of the letter made me curious.

He _needs ME_ of all people. I don't know what kind of guy he is after all I was four when he left me with my uncle.

I couldn't believe that guy my own uncle came two hours too late to pick me up. I don't know why but I HATE people who are late even at such a young age.

Our relationship had, with that burden, a bad start and hasn't got better with the years. I avoided him as much as I could. I only talked with him when it was unavoidable.

The next ten years I was like every child and was even known to be pretty outgoing, but the truth was; I had no real friends. The people I met where just there to help me on my way. I was just happy to make other people laugh to kill some time.

The train stopped, so I got up and got off the train. I noticed that I was the only one who got off; actually I was the only one who was in the train. Since this was just a visit for me; I didn't carry much along me except for my side bag…I had no idea what I was getting into.

I waited a few moments until I noticed that I forgot to look at the picture that was added to the letter. It is strange that such a curious guy like me forgot something like that. I rummaged in my side bag until I found the object of my interest.

As soon as I looked at the picture, I was shocked. It showed a purple-haired woman who was leaning forward. Normally that's not a great thing except for the fact that she was practical half-naked. She wore a skimpy top and some hot pants. With that clothing you could clearly see her cleavage, and to add one more scandalous thing; she had drawn an arrow that pointed at the said cleavage. The letter was signed by Misato Katsuragi herself.

That was just disgusting. Don't take it the wrong way; I love easy women, but she was my father's subordinate. Now I was afraid to find out what my father was working on. Is he some kind of uber–pimp?

I just hope he doesn't want me to take over the family business. I want to earn my money fair and square… or at least win the lottery.

I waited five more minutes. What time is it? I looked at my watch.

11:45! I can't believe it. She is so late. Even a Frenchmen would have shown up 15 minutes ago. The streets seemed to be empty, so she can't reason herself out with traffic jam. This is inexcusable! I can say for sure that I won't like this woman.

I hate it to wait. She will pay for this. It's not like I'll blackmail her, but when my time comes; I'll use that picture in my favour. Hehehehe…

Suddenly I heard a huge BANG. I looked up at the cause of this noise. I saw it.

A huge being at least 40 meters high. It was dark green and had a red core on his chest. Its face was a white mask with some kind of beak. The upper arms were muscular; like the one of a bodybuilder. The arms themselves were abnormally long like the one of an orang-utan they were hanging beneath its waist. The legs were slender like the one of a female, but the feet were huge unlike that of a clown.

I was looking for an escape-route, when I saw it; a blue Renault Alpine. It was faster than the car from Night Rider. The car stopped in front of me with a screeching sound and a 180° curve. The door opened and revealed Misato Katsuragi. She looked like a biker chick with her sunglasses and those driving gloves. She wore a short dress. You could see her sexy slender legs. I only could stare at her in awe. Even though she was gorgeous I can't forgive her for being tardy.

Well, that's how I am.

"What are you waiting for? Get the hell in! "She shouted at me.

I, of course, jumped in. Either I go with her or I will be stamped by a giant foot.

We drove away as fast as we could. I turned back to watched as the military repeatedly fired at it. Again; I haven't noticed something like the military. I just couldn't keep off my eyes off that thing.

"You're surprisingly calm."

Oh yeah, she's with me. Maybe I have Alzheimer. I really should see a doctor.

"Am I?" Was all I said.

"We call it an angel, but don't ask any further questions. We don't have time to talk."

Suddenly an explosion in front of us nearly got us. The car fell over and landed on its roof.

Misato and I got out unharmed. She then looked at her car and began to ramble about how she had 33 more payments and how expensive her favourite dress was.

I really can't believe this woman. Doesn't she have a bigger problem like a 40 meter high angel? Now I'm sure even if she weren't late, I wouldn't have liked her. She's too childish; even for my taste. Come on, she's about 30 years old and behaves like some schoolgirl.

This…

Before I could finish my thought the angel was trying to jump us like horny teenager.

Luckily another creature appeared. It tackled the angel and turned the car for us. It was purple and about as large as the angel. It was like a Mecha you see in one of those animes.

But a strange thought entered my mind when I saw the horn on its forehead and I asked aloud.

"What does phallic mean?"

"It means penis. We have no time for this. Let's get back." Misato replied.

We did so. In the rear-view mirror I could see that the Angel got back on its feet and beat up the other monster. A few hits later it disappeared in the ground through some kind of a lift.

And again we landed on the roof of the car, because of an explosion. The explosion sure was as strong as an N²-mine. This woman must either have the worst luck ever or maybe her Karma was catching up with her. It sure as hell isn't my fault. Since my father left I was a pretty lucky guy. In those multiple choice questions I always scored 100 through blind marking.

Later we drove into a big building. I could make out the word NERV painted on the doorway. I remembered this word; it is German for Nerve. I'm pretty good at languages and learned English pretty quick. German on the other hand was much tougher. The grammar and the verbs are pretty complicated, but I pulled through and now I am a fluent speaker.

I could make out some kind of Credo under the word NERV.

"God is in heaven and all is right in the world."

That sure is a strange slogan for a porno company.

I analyzed Katsuragi's behaviour as dumb model who worked for my father. I just had to ask…

"Miss Katsuragi?"

"Yeah? Oh, and call me Misato."

"Why does a porno corporation have such a slogan, Misato-Obasan? "

I could see a vein throb on her head. Why is she angry? Must be that time of the month. Of course, I'm a sensitive guy and won't mention that.

"Listen Shinji, this is not a porno corporation and I am no Obasan!" She said slightly angered.

"Whatever. But Obasan what is this then?"

I said I'd let her bleed her for being late.

She grumbled some curses about kids these days. She gave me some kind of book with the sign "for your eyes only". It's a secret, so I just had to start reading, but before I could do that we entered some kind of city. This was weird. After all we are underground.

"What is this?" I asked her.

"This is the so called Geofront. There is more information in that little book of yours." She said a little bit aggressive.

It really must creep her out being called old. Women are strange creature. I swear sometimes, if you can't see them they can't see you.

We got off the car and walked through some metallic halls. I could swear I saw these ones before a long time ago. We walked and walked and took an escalator up. I was growing inpatient now. We were now on the way for several minutes.

"Misato-Obasan, when will meet my father?"

"Shut up!" Was her short reply.

I sensed she wasn't angry because of the name calling, but the fact that we are lost. So my father had a use for her, but I doubt she is doing something with responsibility. She's probably just bedding the old man. There it is my chance.

"Misato-Obasan, is my father still wild in bed?"

She stopped dead in tracks. Man, if only I had a camera. I guess that picture she sent me will be sufficient. A lift opens before she could reply.

A woman steps out. She's a faux blond; you can see that on her black eyebrows. She has mole under her right eye. She has brown eyes. She looks professional in her white kittle and knee high skirt. She wears nylon straps. Women these days won't wear them much.

"Captain Katsuragi! Why are you wasting our time?" Said the scientist.

"Ritsuko…sorry I got lost." Misato-Obasan said apologetic.

"Whatever. So this is the third chosen candidate." Ritsuko said.

"My name is Shinji Ikari. It's a pleasure." I said not interested in these greeting rituals.

What caught my attention was her remark about being the third chosen one. That means there are two other ones. What happened to them? Is this a sect?

I had no time to persuade my thoughts farther, when she started to introduce herself.

"I'm Ritsuko Akagi head of the technical division of project E. Let us be good colleagues."

"Ritsuko Akagi? Are you related to Naoko Akagi?" I asked.

"Uh, yes she was my mother. Why do you ask?"

So she is the child of one the three biggest scientist of the new age. She is like me…only much older. But different from Misato; she seems more responsible. I think I'm going to like to work with her. Wait… WORK?

"Well, it's just nice to meet someone as famous as you, though you aren't as famous as your mother; you developed the Magi into an even more impressive computer."

"Why thank you Shinji. It's good to be praised ones in a while. You're pretty smart…different from other people around here." She beamed at Misato at the last part of her sentence.

I could have sworn to have heard Misato mumbling about wanting to crawl into a hole.

A little bit later, while I was talking with Ritsuko about this and that, we arrived at a dock.

We climbed into a boat and rode across the red pool. While we were departing, I felt an earthquake.

I couldn't believe how calm we are while there is fight above us.

It's no wonder I forgot it, since I can be distracted pretty easy by new secrets.

At the end of our journey Ritsuko opened a door to reveal the purple Mecha I saw before on the streets. It's trapped in this cage and the red liquid is surrounding it from the neck below.

"This is the humanoid Evangelion!" Ritsuko said out loud.

"It looks gay." Was all I could say.

"Indeed it is." A voice called from high up.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Nope, they can't be. They are like angels. They don't have a gender." Was the reply.

The man was fully clothed in black had white gloves and amber coloured glasses.

He had black short hair like me and a beard.

This man was obviously the boss around here…or some maniac with cool clothes.

This is my father? I better ask. Maybe he is just manager or something.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I AM YOU FATHER!" He said and emphasizing every word.

This reminds me of Star Wars, which I don't own.

Sometimes I have the feeling that my life is a freaking anime. Next thing that will happen is that I have to pilot that purple monster.

"Shinji you will pilot this giant robo!" He said.

I now know where I have seen the Evangelion. It was my mother's project. She died in that thing. Back then it wasn't purple. He wants me to pilot that death-trap?

So that's why he needed me. Okay, if he wants my help he will pay for it.

For a commander of a secret organisation he's not the serious type. This runs in the family, I guess.

"What will I get for piloting this death-trap?" I asked.

"You will get the gratitude of the whole mankind." Was Misato's reply.

"I hope you haven't given her an important position in this organisation. She sure is as dumb as a model."

"Actually Shinji, she is the head of operations and a captain. " I heard Ritsuko saying.

"WHAT! You can't be serious! Look at her, she isn't punctual, got us lost on the way over here, reeks of alcohol and is dressed like a slut. "

I heard someone cracking her knuckles. Okay father is in front of me that leaves Ritsuko and Misato. Ritsuko has no reason to harm me, but Misato has. Clever as I am, I made the only logical decision.

"I do it only if Misato-Obasan won't hurt me and if I get a huge pay check."

"Agreed." Was the only response of Gendo Ikari. He glared at Misato so she won't try anything stupid.

"Okay; Shinji come with me. I will explain you everything while we prepare Eva01."

Was all Ritsuko said.

I was seated into a white plug. It remembered me of a tampon I saw in Biology class. They inserted me into the Neck of the so said Unit 01.

Ritsuko explained to me that I synch with the Eva through these white clips she gave me.

They are called A10-connectors.

I saw some yellow liquid leaking beneath me. Ritsuko said it's called LCL, which stands for Link Connection Liquid. I asked what it is made of, but Ritsuko just said it's too complicated for me. She probably was right after all I may be good at languages, but that was it, if you don't count my skills on the soccer field.

Anyway, it's strange to breathe liquid like a fish. What surprised me was the taste of the LCL.

"It tastes like… chicken?" Was my remark.

"Really? Doesn't it taste like blood?" Came Ritsuko's voice through the COM.

"No, why should it taste like blood anyway?"

"Umm, no reason. Just be prepared for the G-forces, when you will be shot up by the catapult to the angel."

"How far away will I be from the angel?"

"Let me see… huh you will be direct in front of the angel? Whose brilliant idea was that? "

Everyone looked at Misato.

"Don't look at me! Everyone knows that direct confrontation is the best way to win."

Was her reply.

Everyone on the bridge sweat dropped. It's obvious that she has a disliking for the new pilot. Her slacking performance was noted by my father. Beside him stood an old man.

I could see everything pretty well from my Eva. There was a visual in the tamp… I mean plug.

"Okay, we have changed the destination of the catapult you will be three kilometres away from the target." Was the reply of the long haired dude.

"Unbelievable! His synch-ratio is 69! " Shouted a woman who looked like a female version me.

"As expected from my son. He is a pervert as well. Like father like son. Hehehe…wait did I said that part aloud… What are you waiting for send him! " Came the voice of my father Gendo.

The G-forces pushed me into the seat. I was there in ten seconds. The angel was far away from me, which gave me the chance to hide behind a skyscraper. I couldn't move perfectly, but it was sufficient. I'm not a fighter, so this could take awhile.

**15 minutes later the city was barely damaged. Unit01 stood as the victor of the fight.**

"Well…wow! What was that? " Said some random guy on the bridge.

I could sense that some higher being sucked at writing fighting scenes, so he skipped this fight. Maybe we are merely puppets in scheme of a teenager, who promised to describe his version of…

"Shinji, you will return to headquarter. There will be a debriefing tomorrow, which you will attend. For now I will give you your salary. A home near headquarters will be assigned to you. " Was my fathers order.

I got back through one of the catapults and got the promised payment. Strangely I wasn't wet from the LCL. The stuff evaporated nearly instantaneously. I was driven to my new home by guy named Makoto Hyuuga. He was a bridge bunny and was responsible for the pilots.

He wore glasses and a brown overall like most of the NERV employees.

He was just the typical average guy.

He is a pretty nice guy and knew how to divide his private and work life. He likes to read mangas like most adolescents. That makes him pretty likeable for me.

When we arrived at my new apartment he told me, that I don't need to take care of anything.

He said his goodbye to me and left.

The apartment is fully furnished and the fridge was full with soft drinks, fruits and vegetables. The freezer was stuffed with meat and fish.

Yes, I know this will be a good life I will have.

**End of Chapter 1**

Well I finally did it. My first fic. Most of you will know that this will be a SxA. So don't even try to change my mind. Some of you surely have noticed that I made Shinji a soccer player. Guess what, this will be a crossover. Anyone who guesses it right will be mentioned in the next chapter.

Special thanks to Surj for pre-reading.

_**German lesson**_

**Singular Singular**

Ich bin I am

Du bist you are

Er/sie/es ist he/she/it is

**Plural Plural**

Wir sind we are

Ihr seid they are

Sie sind you are

Now you can form some easy insults like:

Du bist doof.

Ihr seid schwul.

Er ist ein Wichser.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, PenPen does. I also don't own Captain Tsubasa because **

**Misato sold it for beer.**

**The one who figured it out first that it was Captain Tsubasa crossover is Enermil-Lordness**

This will follow the manga and will show what would have happened if Shinji and Asuka haven't lived with Misato.

_**Captain Shinji**_

"Hmm, yeah… that's the stuff…right here…oh god…you are a real redhead I see…WHOA!"

I fell from the bed. Damn, this always happens before I get to the good stuff. I still wonder why I always dream of redheads. Must be some kind of obsession I gained while I trained soccer in my early years. There was always that nice redheaded cheerleader who always screamed my name. Too bad she moved away before I could actually make my move.

Anyway, I have to take care of business and go to HQ.

When was the debriefing again…? He hasn't told me when to come.

Who cares? He'll contact me as soon as he needs me.

**At NERV **

"Where the heck is Shinji?" asked the commander of NERV.

"Sir, you haven't told him at what time he had to appear and has no card to enter NERV anyway," the old man of NERV replied.

"I see. Fuyutsuki, you will bring him here."

"Yes sir."

**Shinji's apartment**

After I ate breakfast I watched some TV. The news was showing some footage about the fight between me and the Angel. It showed how Unit 01…

**DING DONG**

I heard the door ring I turned the TV off and went to the door. When I opened the door an old man was standing there, the same old man I saw at NERV. He had short grey hair, which was combed back, and sideburns like The King himself. He was clothed like father, but his uniform was grey like his hair.

"My name is Kozo Fuyutsuki. I'm the Sub-Commander of NERV. I will accompany to NERV."

"Okay…?" I answered.

At the moment we were driving in his Porsche with automatic to our destination.

I heard old men at this age do crazy stuff like buying a car because they can't handle that they grew older.

"Soooo… Have we met before?" I began the conversation.

"Yes, we have. It was at the activation test of Unit 01 in which your mother died. I was her Professor at the Kyoto College as well."

"I see. Was she good in the sack?"

"Hell yes! She could do this special trick with her tongue while… "

I think he finally noticed what he said. Actually this was just a joke. Never thought my mother was such an easy woman. I wonder what Fuyutsuki will do now? Bet he will try to buy off me.

"Shinji, if you keep quiet about this I'll give you a picture of your mother. You don't have one don't you?"

"No, my father said they were all sticky. Wonder how that happened…"

I could have sworn I saw a sweat drop slide down his face. Those old men these days sure are weird.

After our conversation ended we arrived at NERV. Fuyutsuki was far better organized than Misato-Obasan.

We entered the Briefing Room in which all the head personal is sitting…wait a sec.

When all of them are here who is monitoring the bridge and the MAGI?

**At the Bridge**

Some apes were clothed like the original crew.

Bridge-Ape: "All systems are working properly."

Commander-Ape: "Why are apes doing the work of the secondary troop?"

Sub-commander-Ape: "NERV doesn't have enough money to pay for a real crew."

Female-bridge-Ape: "But they had the money to teach us to speak and do their work?"

Everyone: "……………"

Operations Director-Ape: "Well, even Misato can do her work and she isn't

as smart as we are."

Doctor-Ape: "Then why aren't you in the first brigade?"

Operations Director-Ape: "Because Misato slept her way up to her current position."

**Silence **

**Briefing Room **

"And that's how Shinji beat the Angel. Any questions?" Was Ritsuko's final explanation.

"Yeah, where the heck is Misato-Obasan?"

It grew quiet here.

"Her payment will be cut by 20. I won't accept unpunctuality." Was Gendo's answer.

Somehow I have the feeling that we always skip battle scenes. We still had an hour after father dismissed us. It was enough time for me to introduce myself to the others properly and bond with my new colleagues.

Shigeru Aoba was a guitarist who borrowed money from my father and couldn't pay back. Now he has to work for him. He's a bit of a weirdo. He even named his guitar Lucille. I guess everyone has his obsession. He volunteered to teach me. I thankfully accepted his offer. I'm not sure how good he is, but he looks like a rocker with his green shoulder length hair.

The next person I met was Maya Ibuki. She really is a female version of me, at least in the looks department. She is, like me, an admirer of Dr. Akagi. I'm not too sure how far her affection for her goes so I left it at that. She's a genius in programming and seems to have an obsession with cats. She doesn't seem to have any hobbies like Dr. Akagi, though. I don't think I'll get to know her anywhere in the near future.

The next person on my list is my father; Gendo Ikari. He seems to be pretty antisocial. It's not surprising considering he only hangs around an old man like Fuyutsuki. He seems to be clever but not really sharp. I think it doesn't make any sense to try to know him better after all we haven't done anything for ten years, so I began and asked him about the other chosen ones. He told me that chosen ones are called children and that I'm the Third Children. I asked him about the wrong grammar and he told me he was not responsible for it, but he would take care of it.

He continued his explanation and told me that I will meet the First Child today at school and the Second in a few weeks when Unit 02 will be shipped.

I was about to go when I realized it.

"SCHOOL!"

"Yes my son.Evil chuckle You will be driven by Fuyutsuki. Your stuff will be placed before you are back at home. You already have enough money to buy lunch."

"What about my payment?"

"Later, later…"

He definitely hangs around with Misato too often.

**School**

That was it. Me and Fuyutsuki arrived at school at eleven and signed all necessary forms.

I was lead by an old teacher into the class room.

"We have a new student who will introduce himself now." Was all the teacher said.

"My name is Shinji Ikari. My hobbies are soccer and cooking. Nice to meet you all." I ended my introduction.

"Okay, let's return to class. Second Impact was about gays in San Francisco…wah wah…backdoor entry " The teacher continued to talk like the teacher in that Peanuts cartoon.

I got bored pretty fast so I turned on the school notebook. I already got an invitation for a chat room. Since I had nothing better to do I joined.

**You've entered the chat room "_Soccer legends_"**

**ElfmeterKiller**: Hi! I'm Genzo Wakabayashi the keeper of the school team.

**Pele**: Hello. I'm Tsubasa Ozora the centre forward of the team.

**Student25**: Nice to meet you. It's good to meet people with the same passion for soccer.

**Pele**: How do you know?

**Student25**: I always check the legs of people and the muscles in people's legs. I could tell

that you two play often. No one who without passion for the sport would have

that kind of muscle tone.

_Some of you wonder how Shinji could see their legs Genzo and Tsubasa wear shorts. _

_Why do they wear shorts?_

Because Toji doesn't wear the school uniform as well and this plot hole allows them to wear shorts.

**ElfmeterKiller**: Guess you know what we are going to ask you.

**Student25**: Doesn't take a genius. When should we meet?

**Pele**: How about in between break?

**Student25**: All right.

I logged out of the chat room. Immediately after I was out the chat room the bell rang.

A fat dark blond guy stood in front of me. He was freckled and had round glasses. He was dressed in the normal school attire.

"Are the rumours true?" He asked.

"Yeah, Pepsi and Coke are the same" I replied.

"Hah! I knew it." Was everything he said and walked away but then he turned around and walked back to me.

"That was not what I wanted to know! Are you the pilot of the giant robot?"

"That's also true." Was my answer.

Another student in a black track suit stood up and walked to me. He had light brown hair.

"Newbie! Let's get outside." He said in a Kansai dialect.

I, of course, sensed he had a hidden agenda but not like Genzo or Tsubasa. This person was obviously angry at me.

When we were on the school yard we stopped. We stood three meters apart from each other somewhere of the school yard. The fat geeky boy followed us. After only ten seconds the Kansai boy was about to hit me. Everything was in slow motion until I heard a strange noise above us. Before the fist connected with my face, the aggressor was hit by a football.

**BONG**

A noise like in those Warner Brothers cartoons.

The strange flight path irritated me. It flew high but made a sudden bend in order to hit the enemy. I know this kind of shot. They are called top-spin.

I turned to the person who shot and was surprised to see Tsubasa and Genzo. It was apparent that Tsubasa shot since his leg was stretched in my direction.

Looks like I got lucky again.

"Oy, Suzuhara! What the hell are you doing with him! " Came the voice of Wakabayashi.

I found it pretty strange to talk with a person who is still unconscious. I didn't say that of course. Who am I to argue with my saviours? This would have gone on if that fat otaku named Kensuke wouldn't have pointed out Suzuhara's state.

Now that I think of it; I totally forgot to describe Wakabayashi and Ozora for the readers.

………On a second thought I don't feel like describing them now.

Before Tsubasa had the chance to start talking a blue haired babe interrupted. Where did she come from?

"Ikari-kun an Angel is attacking." Is what she said.

"Umm, who the hell are you?" I asked.

Damn that chick looked like my mom but she had red eyes and alabaster skin. Except for the hair colour she is a real albino.

"I'm the First Child. Don't you remember? The commander blackmailed you. He said he would send me out to battle if you weren't willing to fight. "

"Actually that hasn't happened. You-know-Who isn't such a fan of YOU and thinks that mom is much hotter than YOU so YOU will appear later in this chap. The angel attack will be delayed in order to show my skills on the pitch."

The girl looked in a book named 'Dead Sea Scrolls '.Where did the book come from? Must be a girl thing.

"I see. I wasn't informed in the change of the scenario but remember my name is Rei."

Actually I've never asked for her name did me? Before I could ask further she disappeared.

My two companions weren't bothered by her sudden disappearance. Must be pretty normal so I dismissed the thoughts about that weird Rei girl.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay, let's go on with the plot. Why were you guys late anyway?" was my

question.

"I'm the class rep and Tsubasa is my substitute. We were at the headmaster's office to do class rep stuff. He informed us that the English teacher was ill so we are dismissed already."

"Great, this means you can introduce me the other team mates." I said.

"Umm, to be honest with you; there's eleven of us, give or take." Was Tsubasa's reply.

"What do you mean, 'give or take'?"

Genzo pulled out a list out of nowhere and showed it to me. All the players were listed on it with some detailed description.

1 Genzo Wakabayashi (male) **keeper**

2 Asuka Langley Sohryu (female) striker _(momentary in Germany)_

3 Jane Doe (female) defence

4 Max Mustermann (male) defence midfield

5 Erika Mustermann (female) defence midfield

6 John Doe (male) defence

7 striker _(deceased)_

8 Hikari Horaki (female) defence midfield

9 Kaworu Nagisa (male) defence

10 Tsubasa Ozora (male) offensive midfield **playmaker**

00 Rei Ayanami (female) striker _(injured)_

3-4-3 Position

What the fuck! Half of them are female. One of them is in Germany and number seven is deceased not to mention that the Ayanami girl is injured. I totally forgot that she was covered in bandages. I wonder what happened…

It's gonna be a real challenge to bring this team up to rank.

"Puh, let's get started. How are we gonna play with only nine players? And who the fuck is the Captain? " I asked.

"I can't believe we forgot to elect a Captain since I have one of my _manly_ mood swings I will pronounce you as the captain of the team." Said Genzo.

How do I always manage to get myself into these situations? I knew I should have eaten Lucky Charms instead of give it a brand name like Curse O's.

"Okay, as Captain of the team, I order you, Tsubasa, to gather all team mates to start the training except for Asuka."

"Yes, Captain!" Came his affirmative reply.

While he was on his search, Genzo showed me the lockers. He changed his clothes there.

Wakabayashi was now dressed with a red Adidas cap, a red pullover and black gloves, tracking suit pants and black Adidas boots.

He noticed that I hadn't changed because of the lack of clothing, so he gave me an extra uniform with the number seven.

I was surprised because the football jersey covered in blood stains.

"Why is the jersey blood stained?" I asked Genzo.

"Oh, the guy that died was killed and buried in that thing."

"I see, it explains the dirt but shouldn't he still be wearing it if he was buried in it?"

"…Umm, no. Let's just never bring this up again, okay?" Genzo replied slowly.

"…Agreed."

I had no time to think about stuff like this so I ignored it. I'll just keep my distance from Genzo.

_**15 minutes later on the pitch**_

We all gathered on the pitch now dressed in our soccer uniforms.

They had the same colours as the German national flag. Quite strange for a Japanese team. Genzo had explained in the lockers that the headmaster was a big fan of the German soccer team.

"Okay, since someone decided that I was the Captain; I want to how good you guys are.

The Mustermanns, Kaworu and Tsubasa against the Does, Hikari and Genzo.

I will be the referee and evaluate your game play."

I blew into the whistle and the game began. Tsubasa had the kick-off.

Kaworu got the ball.

Kaworu was a slender feminine guy, and was one of my classmates although he was one year older, no one knows why.

He had silver hair and an awkward haircut. Does he use any gel? It certainly doesn't look like it.

Am I mistaken or does he have wings?

**DONG!**

That hurt! Right into my S²-Core!

Everything became black. I woke up ten minutes later. They have stopped playing since no one has scored while I was unconscious. Ayanami sure knows how to kick it like Beckham. I believe we should work on her accuracy.

"Okay guys, you're all dismissed because I don't know what we actually wanted to do afterwards anymore."

After we finished changing, Genzo and Tsubasa accompanied me on my walk home.

This was a pretty exciting day. One of my opponents (Toji) and me got hit by a ball.

The next day went in a similar fashion but this time I could analyse their abilities on the field. Rei was good at tricking her opponents mostly with fakes, but couldn't hit the goal to save her life.

Tsubasa was a good playmaker and knows how to build a game and he was good at making goals but he had problem to free himself from the Mustermanns even though they don't really do a good job.

Kaworu Nagisa and Jane Doe seem to be the perfect defence wall. Even Ayanami had problems tricking them.

I could only make up for the mistakes the others are doing. The problem was that I couldn't make up for all of them; maybe that Asuka girl will be helpful in that matter?

"Captain, it is time." Came the voice of Rei Ayanami.

"Indeed it is. I have to start now and become the uber pimp himself, aka: god."

"That's not what I meant Captain."

"I thought it was time to tell the people my life dream? Soon women will serve men beer while they watch TV and all I am in heaven and all is right in the world."

"I do not understand. You stole the NERV credo."

"Rei, this is called an allusion. You use these to refer to another piece of literature."

"…An angel is attacking." She replied quietly.

"…Why haven't told you me that earlier! Why doesn't Pi end? What is your purpose? Are

You a natural blue?"

"Actually… I…um… System overload" CRACK

"Rei had a system overload." A black suited man said.

"This always happens when someone says anything illogical or philosophical." Said Genzo.

The black suited man carried her away. Come to think of it I have no idea who that guy was. He could be some sort of rapist for all I know.

"By the way I'm from Section Two. We are the NERV bodyguards."

Okay, that answered my question. He dragged her over the ground and went away with her. I could have sworn I heard someone shouted "We need another Rei!".

I had a nagging feeling. Did I forget something?

Let me think: I already masturbated, had my breakfast and made a goal…damn forgot to wash my hands…how do I get to HQ now? Okay, the sun goes down in the east rises in the west this means I have no idea what to do.

**NERV**

"We have Rei." Said the Section Two agent.

"Good. Where is Shinji?" Asked Gendo.

"Ohh…he is in the car." The agent replied slowly.

He slowly crept to the exit. After he was out of the bridge he ran as fast as he could.

**School**

I waited. Everyone else was already in the shelters. The agent came back and we were at NERV within ten minutes. Didn't know a Deloreen could be that fast without a flux compensator.

Ritsuko handed me a strange latex outfit.

"This is the plugsuit." She said.

"What is it good for?" I asked.

"It makes a nice ass, Shinji."

"Okay, I don't believe you are Ritsuko."

I caught her nose between my thump and my index finger and pulled. Her nose stretched and stretched until the mask on her face came off to reveal Misato.

"HAH! Such a perverted old woman."

I made a kissy face and danced around her until she began to twitch again. I ran to the Eva. Better face the Angel.

**5 minutes later**

That penis threw me into a hill with one of its whips. That angel really looks like a pink dildo, and it's pretty slippery and sticky.

It had a shape I hear women like. It doesn't take a genius to guess who told me that.

Between the Eva's fingers I felt movements. It was Kensuke and Toji. The fat geek and the bully. I smirked. I took them into my hand and then…

"Shinji! How could you! You used to civilians as weapons to accomplish your objective. If this wasn't a fic those two would have died."

Sigh…now she begins to act as if she had any kind of responsibility. Totally out of character. Hmm, my name is Shinji Ikari which means my initials are SI. Self insert.

If my maker did that on purpose then that would mean…

"Whoa!"

I nearly dodged her slap. Damn, does she think I have some kind of fetish?

I ran away from her. It took me an hour to lose her; she even emptied a few rounds at me. What a psycho! I was happy to finally be at home. Weird I haven't noticed that my apartment is located between the school and NERV…. Was I mistaken or have I seen a penguin walking down the NERV corridors? …Nah.

**End of chapter 2**

Finally I got it together. It's hard to fight against sloth. Check out the homepage in my profile to see pics for this fic. Special thanks to my pre-readers Keizer Xilian and Surj. Some of you wonder about the colours… The manga has no colour so I can do as I like, hah! Oh, I'm starting another fic soon called Oyabun Shinji. _Anyone who knows something about webpage design shall contact me. I want to make a SxA-Shrine_.

**German lesson **

Some of you have noticed the term ElfmeterKiller as Genzo's screen name. Elf meter means penalty in German. It also explains that the penalty has to be done from an eleven meter distance. Elfeleven. ElfmeterKiller is also the nickname Jens Lehman (German keeper) earned at the WC against Argentina.

**Singular Singular**

Ich kann I can

Du kannst You can

Er/sie/es kann He/she/it can

**Plural Plural**

Wir können We can

Ihr könnt They can

Sie können You can

**Insult (Beleidigung):**

Du kannst mich mal! Shove it!


End file.
